Is It Okay to Shit the Bed?
We all want to have it together. At work, at home, in our relationships, in our routines. We make plans, set goals, write lists, and try to tick them all off. But let’s be honest: most days don’t go 100% to plan.
When things don’t go as planned it can feel like life and work are shitting on you.
But they’re not. Maybe your expectations are just a little out of whack.
Because here’s the reality: you’re not going to nail your to do list, your plans, your domestic responsibilities, your conversations, your relationships, your exercise routine every single time.
You might’ve heard of the 80/20 rule. The idea that roughly 80% of the outcomes come from 20% of the causes or inputs. It’s not a exact formula, more like a general principle that shows how effort and results are usually unevenly spread.
I reckon the same goes for our expectations. How we think things will play out, and the stuff we do (or try to do) each day. It’s not an exact translation of the rule, but there’s definitely something in it. It’s what inspired my latest anti-affirmation;
“I’m going to shit the bed
20% of the time”.
Let me explain. I’m not talking about literally shitting the bed. I mean those moments when something goes wrong. I’ve made a mistake, made the wrong call, my plans have failed miserably. Basically, any time my expectations didn’t match reality and it sucked.
My version of the 80/20 rule right now is:
Okay, I’m not going to have an 100% day. Things aren’t going to go 100% to plan.
But 80%ish? That’s good. That’s solid. Not bad at all.
That also means that for 20% of the day, I’m gonna shit the bed.
Mistakes, wrong decisions, things going off the rails. And I’m learning to be okay with that.
Here’s an example. My partner and I were really looking forward to taking our toddler to Winter Feast.
The plan was: I’d leave work, go to daycare, drive down to Salamanca, find a park, walk with our toddler to the Feast, and meet my partner there. I was excited all day. Couldn’t wait to see my daughter’s reaction to all the fire and lights. Couldn’t wait for that indulgent feeling glass of wine and some yummy food. Couldn’t wait for my partner to proudly show me around the site, pointing out all the installations he built (he works for Dark Lab).
I leave work at 5pm. On a Friday night. In the CBD. Bit of traffic, ey? I think, Nah, she’ll be right.
Get to daycare at 5:20pm.
Drive to Salamanca.
I could not find a park. Anywhere. Nothing. Zip. Battery Point? Ya dreamin’.
My phone’s ringing. My daughter’s whinging. I’m starving. Cars everywhere.
I start to feel overwhelmed.
My face is hot, my hands are gripping the wheel.
I’m this close to calling my partner to launch into a full rant about how ridiculous this is,
how stupid I was to think it would work out, how hungry and tired I am, how grumpy our daughter is, and how there’s no food at home because we planned to eat there- AHHHHHH.
But instead, I drop my shoulders and say,
“Ahhhh, I shit the bed.”
I smile. Call my partner:
“This isn’t going to work. Let’s cut our losses and go home.”
Fine. Easy done. No big emotional meltdown over things not going to plan.
I shrugged it off and drove home. And it helped that upon reflection I knew I should’ve been more realistic with my carefully laid, naïve plans.
Regardless, there’s real power in this cheeky little phrase.
It helps that it’s fun to say and makes me laugh.